Full transparency, I struggled with this post. Like REALLY struggled. I have been on such a high of making my decision to go on leave, excited about the unknown, and of course not only announcing it, but also choosing to publicly post about it and maintain a level of accountability with you. The excitement is definitely still there, it's just that there are layers to this, and my thrill of the moment is currently going through a seasonal change and bundled up for the coming cold.
Let me be a bit more clear, and hopefully make some sense. I've been forced to take a reflective stance and figure out what it is that I need to be happy. The most important lesson I've learned in this is being picky about who you allow in your circle. I'm someone who is headstrong and I like to make my own decisions, but I would be lying to you if I said I don't get influenced by those in my circle. The beautiful thing is that we all have the choice to allow or remove people, but it's not always easy. In fact, sometimes it's really painful and confusing. I'm honestly still going through the aftermath of losing someone I thought was going to be a vital part of my journey and my future, but I had to disallow them access to me because their presence was damaging and dishonest.
So what are the next steps, and how do we or I circle back around and get on this path of surging forward with gusto? HA! I have no idea. What I do know, being stagnant is crippling for me. If you know me at all, you know I'm always on the move, you probably have no idea where I am 90% of the time (I'm currently sitting in the airport of a city I decided to impulsively visit. The decision was made last night, everything is fine). With that in mind, there are a few things I'm going to try and I'd like to share them with you, and as usual I welcome any and all feedback.
I have decided to be more intentional and organized, as well as be more protective of my own energy and peace. Challenge yourself to never feel down or apologetic for taking up space. I started writing down three daily goals and completing them. They're achievable goals, some are even easy such as, "Go outside today,"
(yay, I went to Central Park!) while others may be a bit more challenging like, "Write down things you're good at." The intent isn't to run a marathon, it's to reestablish healthy habits and gain confidence in my ability to get things done. Today, my goal was to be mindful of redirecting negative thoughts into positive ones. It's harder than it sounds, but also satisfying to have control of your mental.
This second thing is a bit ambitious, but the intent is to avoid sitting around in negative space. I decided to make it a point to welcome and participate in every social invitation. I REALLY enjoy alone time, so this is a leap for me. I'm a social being, if you call me we can chat for hours. But actually making it a point to say yes anytime someone invites you somewhere is a whole new level. I'm positive it will lead me on quite a few adventures and provide stories and things to share with you. I'm nervously excited about it to say the least.
The funny thing is, I made this decision and 20 minutes later my cousin texted me, "Want to go to Chicago tomorrow?"
Thirdly, I want to experiment in finding a new hobby or skill. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm hoping it will come to me organically. I may just have to ask strangers what it is they like to do for fun, hopefully something will click and make me want to try it. Maybe I'll just have to pick a random city and show up with a helping hand.
The last thing is getting organized about my future plans. My roommate aka my new life coach (hey girl!) tasked me with creating a transparent list of what I want my life to look like and what my interests/skills are. I haven't done it yet, but I'm really looking forward to having a clearer vision and idea of where I see myself and what I can do with this precious time. I'm so grateful for the village of people I have in my life. Some are new, and some have been here. You're part of that village and I'm thankful that you are here too.
I know you may be here to read about my wild stories in foreign cities, TRUST me those are coming. I promised to share the full aspect of MY journey. This week, my journey has been about getting my mental into the right space to be able to openly embrace the world and the people in it. There are so many wonderful people I haven't met yet, and I want to be sure that I can allow them in without any remnants of unhealthy relationships. Like always, connect with me and share your ideas. I can't wait to update you and give you the game plan next week. The travels are soon coming.
ALSO. I had no idea today is World Mental Health Day. This is just a reminder, but really every day is Mental Health Day. I post pictures of myself when I feel I'm at my best, but also sometimes when I feel that I APPEAR to be at my best. I definitely haven't been my best, and I'm doing my part to be at peace with it and learn to be better. As I said above about my village, it takes you and I reaching out and checking on those around us to keep us up when things feel down. In honor of WMHD, I'm asking that you reach out to two people you haven't spoken to in awhile, even if it's just a simple, "Thinking of you," text.